A year older and possibly wiser - only time will tell

It has been more than 1 year since the last time I wrote in my blog and to be truthful,

had I not been reminded by someone who has read it recently, I might not be writing tonight.

As I read about the challenges I have written about previously, I find them hard to read.

Why would I  choose to keep myself in a place of sadness, frustration, anger ?  The woman

I know today makes different choices - and as I look back I can see my thinking has changed,

my understanding and love for myself has grown and I say no to those kinds of situations much

easier now...and I see I have taken a few more steps forward to who I believe I am supposed to be.

In my work life, I am still at the same company. My responsibilities have increased by 1/3 however,

my pay has not augmented accordingly. I appreciate the stability of my employment and while I 

dream about leaving for greener ($) pastures, I am not willing to put effort into finding a new job.

Right now, I know my job well, I am comfortable with my performance and I am 3 miles from

home. And in the back of my mind, I know I am within 10 mins of Glendale Adventist, should my

mother fall ill and need to be hospitalized.

Mom's health continues to be inconsistent. She is less and less mobile with days of intense pain.

Pain in her legs prevents her from walking much and keep her from getting sleep. She is grossly under

rested and extremely fatigued. And yet yesterday when I came home, she had mustered up enough

energy to wash the dishes. I was nearly in tears because I realize what it took for her to have

the energy to stand on her feet and wash them..and I was so grateful because I had worked 12

hours yesterday and did not have it in me to wash dishes when I returned. It was  an unexpected

blessing for which I was so grateful.

I feel Heavenly Father's hand of assistance with the smallest of things. Today I was reminded as

I drove to the Stake Center that very specific assistance is being given to me at times when I feel

as if I have no support. People have been coming out of the woodwork, lightening my load

so I can take one more step forward, send one more email, deal with one more problem etc.

As I understand from many lessons at Church, the Lord does not change our circumstances.

He give us strength to deal with the trials we experience, and they in turn strengthen us and turn

us back to Him.  It is a lifetime process of taking the humblest of beings and preparing us to 

be Kings and Queens. Can you even wrap your mind around that ? When I do, I realize

that my life is so important - and God wants me to want to be ready for that role. 

Am I doing enough to prepare ?

Tonight I go to bed considering where I am ,where I want to be and what path I am on so

that tomorrow I can take one more step in the right direction. 

Bonne nuit!

Rachel