Growing up, women in my family didn't exercise on a regular basis. I remember years ago Mom swam, but that stopped once her head/neck would get too cold.
I loved gymnastics as a child. The energy, the drive, the challenge, the friends. We didn't have the money for me to go very far with it. And eventually, I was drawn away from it by people who were better at it than I was.
My self held belief is that women in my family are curvy and it's hard for us to lose weight. The truth is that I lose my drive to commit myself daily to good health. And it frustrates me when I bump into the results. This is entirely my doing.
Underneath that lack of commitment is the belief that I am not really worth taking care of. It's a self esteem piece that is attached to a very old abandonment tape.
I will not give up on myself. Even if you walked away from me, our family and your responsibilities, I am no longer carrying that "map".It has had me "lost" for too many years. I have to create a new map of the territory of my life. I don't know what it looks like, and today I am not going to figure it out. All I care about is that today that I am shedding light on a corner that has been dark and under cobwebs for a long, long time.
Today, I found a flashlight. Today I start to clean house.
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