In every experience we have, there can be lessons for us to receive and there may also be gifts for us to give. In the past 7 weeks, a variety of life lessons have come at a time when I am able to learn them. I have space in my life to listen, to hear, to reflect and to understand their implications. That internalization is a deeply meaningful process for me and when the message has been received into my soul, that learning is long lasting, possibly permanent. Here are a few of the ones that have been on my mind and in my heart.
Am I ready for whatever lies ahead ?
Countless numbers of times have I thought about this very phrase. This became more clear when I knew my job was going to end. I had been preparing for it since August, I knew it was coming. But much like the
next big earthquake that is going to decimate Los Angeles, the earthquakes of our own lives come and even if we are prepared, there is still a shock and a process of letting go and moving on. I have to let go of my own sense of control of situations, people, places and things...in fact, I need to continually practice letting go of the outcome. I can be prepared in as many ways as possible and still, in that very moment whenever "it" happens, I may go through momentary unsettling as I regain my ground, my thoughts and accept the new direction.
Empathy Brings Deeper Understanding
One of the lessons I learned during my time in the E.R. and in surgery is that I have ZERO pain tolerance. None. Everything hurts. Drawing blood makes me woozy, and I have little patience for a nurse who cannot get an IV started the first time. Once surgery was done, I experienced another level of pain - overall body pain from being intubated in the hospital. My throat, neck, shoulders, ribcage - I felt like I had been manhandled! And that was even dealing with the pain of the incision. In medicine, they ask you to describe your pain on a 1-10 scale. One is very mild pain, and a ten is intense pain where a high dose of pain medication would be needed. I have felt everything from a 2 to a 10. So why was this lesson important ?
Because I live with someone who experiences pain on a daily basis. And honestly, I never understood why dishes couldn't be washed, or dinner not put in the oven or trash taken out. I had no idea what the pain was doing to that person because I had no frame of reference to even begin to understand! NONE
I now understand in a deeply empathetic way that sometimes taking a bath is the most exhausting thing you can do, and then you head right back to bed. I understand why food is too much to be prepared, and a can of soup is easier. I understand why papers pile up, why dishes remain unwashed, why the daily menial task of life are on the back burner. Because the agenda of the day is simply getting through the day. And when pain is the ruler of a person's life, it changes who they are in every way. Less tolerant, more irritable over the smallest of things, less flexible, unable to "go with the flow", unwilling to have others around.... and a whole host of other things. I have empathy as a result of experience - and I experience moments of shame and sadness that I did not understand this sooner. As I continue to adjust my expectations, or better yet, get rid of them entirely, I come to understand that more is required of me - because I am not in pain all day long. My pain is temporary. My pain will heal. I can go to the gym and my body feels better. That is not the case with my roommate. She has lived in pain for years and years. It is her burden to bear in this life, and I must work on being better able to handle the load. I still feel a twinge of resentment that "everything" lands on me. And I know that is not going to help the situation or my ability to endure this with a cheerful attitude. This is my refiner's fire in my life - and I am determined to come out of it a better person.
Humility Teaches Us to Turn to God and Those That Act in His Name
I pride myself on being an independent woman. I take great pleasure in doing things for myself and others without assistance. I can be my own best cheerleader. Oh how I hate to ask for help! I feel like I should be able to do it all - and then some! And when the reality of life crashes around me and I come to the moment of having to ask for help, part of me feels like a failure. This is far from the truth. I will actually get further by asking for help, both temporally and spiritually, then I will just on my own. And by allowing others to serve me, I give them opportunities and blessings as well. I believe that humility turns us to God for divine support, and that his response comes to us in the form of loving friends and family who are there for us. I experienced that first hand this month. I felt such a beautiful sense of loving care from those around me. I appreciate the lessons in humility. I shed another layer of pride and hopefully shine more clearly the loving, empathetic, genuinely caring woman I am and can be.
God Cares About the Details of My Life
I cannot write enough about the smallest of details that have been an answer to prayer. When I lost my job, I felt a calming sense of peace about it all. And I had no idea what the future would hold. 19 days later, I have another job that won't start until the 10th, which allows me time to heal from surgery. Accident ? No. Answer to a prayer.
I needed to take care of some financial matters that had been on my list for some time. And I simply did not have the money to deal with it, or so I thought. I paid my tithing on Sunday and 2 days later, I dealt with the financial matter. What I discovered was nothing short of a miracle! The money I was to pay out - $947.00 , was nearly equal to the money that was going to be coming in $ 952.00. I will take God's accounting over mine any day of the week. It pays to put God first.
Oh, I could go on and on...but you get the idea. How grateful I am to see God's hand in my life on a daily basis and the more aware of that I am, the more I can share that with others. Look for blessings folks, they are there DAILY!
If you have any life lessons that are really speaking to you right now, please feel free to comment. I'd love to hear about what God is teaching you in your life.
We are not alone. We are simply a few steps ahead or behind each other on the exact same path. It is my goal to help as many people get to that end as I can...and I will help myself along the way.
Much love to you this week...
Rachel
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