Awareness 2014 - Reaching the Bottom - The Final Chapter

 

I am normally not too pessimistic about anything. It is just not in my nature. My friends joke about my rose colored glasses and my rainbows and unicorns attitude. Whatever. It is not like I don't see reality, but I will choose a positive mood over just about anything. Except when I am worried and if I am worried, fear is often buried underneath it. It could be a trigger from long ago that has resurface, or simply, I have found a new level of "WTH" is going on in my life!

I digress...It is D DAY! Yes, visit to the SURGEON day. My intention is going to be to walk (as best as I can) into the office and have him take a look, give me a couple of shots and lance this thing into oblivion! Apparently I watch too many action thrillers because this is how it went down.

Getting to the surgery center was nothing sort of a miracle.We had a prayer before we headed out because we definitely were going to need protection during the ride. I had to lay on my side with the seat back to even be in the car. And you could cut the tension with a knife. Mom was not happy about having to drive me - and when given the option to pass it on to someone else, she wasn't having that either. We made it one piece!  A text I received said " A small success - at least you didn't arrive in pieces!"  LOL   I love those who can make me laugh at such stressful times.

I had to wear comfortable clothing and decided that red shoes were going to be my pick-me-up, since nothing bad could happen in red shoes, right ?

I also decided that I should bring a pair of sport socks with me. Why ? No idea. But I brought them. We made it upstairs and they had me wait to see the doctor.  Remember, I can't sit. So, since there was an exam table, I decided to lay on my stomach and wait. The doctor was about 30 minutes late, and I was very sleepy by the time he came in. And what an entrance he made. Super handsome, 30 something surgeon, gorgeous brown eyes, long eye lashes, naturally curly hair. Dr. McDreamy at your service!

 He laughed at my position and I reminded him it was only because I could not sit. He explained to me what he thought could be going on, we reviewed a chart together and I understood what he thought was happening. So he took a look under the hood. Because of the placement of this particular abscess, he did not feel comfortable taking care of this procedure in his office. He was having me go across the street to the ER.  WAIT! WHAT ? So I began to bargain with him. "Couldn't we do this in a couple of days ?  I can come back, get what I need, be more prepared..." AND HIS ANSWER ? "No, I don't have time later in the week and I'm booked all month. I'm not even sure I'll have time to do the surgery myself, probably one of my colleagues will do it."   And that was the end of the discussion. Now it was going to be the hike from Hades to walk over to the ER. Remember, I can't sit down, so a wheelchair isn't going to help. 

About 20 minutes later, we made it to the admissions area of the ER, they got me in the system, met with the RN and he said " Have a seat."  After about 5 minutes, I had them lay me down on a gurney so I could rest while they found a room I could use.  It is about 11:15 AM and they had Mom sit near me while I waited. Finally they got us into a room and it is clear the surgery center has not yet called over to the ER and told them what is going on. So I repeat the same information a few times. Last time I drank ? 7 AM   Last time I ate ? 8AM  - that means the earliest then can perform surgery is 4:00 PM. 

The nurse "He Who Shall Not Be Named", came to take my blood and start an IV. Apparently with my anxiety level, my veins were not willing to have anything poked into them. Mom is hold my hand for dear life on my right side, and he is literally digging with a needle to find a vein - and irritated that I am so pain intolerant. To be honest though, even Mom was surprised at how much pain I was in from something that should have been routine.  He ended up using my left hand to start the IV, and instead of putting it in the middle of my hand, he put it close to my wrist. Every dang time I moved my wrist, I could feel the needle. Then he looked at me once I was all hooked up and said " Wow, you have a very low tolerance for pain. " I wanted to kick that guy from here to Asia. 

The put me on antibiotic and morphine via IV, which should have calmed me down. We discovered though, that morphine does exactly the opposite with me and I was super anxious and they could not give me more meds to counteract it.  Mom - you were declared a SAINT today! I was such a hot mess!

Finally, nurse "He Who Shall Not Be Named", was replaced by one with much more empathy and who immediate took off the electronic blood pressure cuff. I felt freedom. And I was able to get up, take care of business and feel human for 5 minutes. I couldn't eat or drink anything, and I was feeling incredibly guilty for Mom being with me and feeling like she needed to stay with me. Her health is already taxed enough without dealing with a 48 year old child. I was emotional as I sat in the bed and I think the tears and the feelings were a result of overload on every level. Once the release valve did its job, I regained my composure and wanted to rest. And I am sure Mom needed some quiet.  LOL

We had heard the surgery would be around 5:30...which turned out to be more like 7:30 PM. They wheeled me upstairs and I met the anesthesiologist and the nurse who would be with me during surgery. 

And they let me know that Dr. McDreamy was going to be my surgeon after all. And he would be assisted by an Indian doctor in his 3rd year of residency. I guess I was a good learning case for him. Hey honey, if you can learn something from all this pain, good for you!

Doc took one look at me and said " Let's do this!" and that's the last thing I remember. The surgery was about 90 minutes, so not a normal quick lancing. So you are wondering what they found ? A Bartholin Gland Cyst that had implanted itself in an area not common to where cysts typically area. I warn you that if you Google it, don't be surprise for a graphic description.It is a very common thing with women, happening to 3 out of 100. I had no idea it even existed. Okay, enough of that... back to the rest of the story.


I remember waking up and wanting to drink..and wanting ice chips. I wanted to talk and get the fog out of my head. I hate being put under... only had it one other time, but the memory of how my body felt came back fully.

Now allow me to make an honest admission. I had somewhere in the back of my mind had a 1970's Brady Bunch memory of getting put under. That it was done with a mask, you breath in and out and BAM you are under. Serene, peaceful, calm.  No one told me that they put a tube down your throat tape all over the place and that your neck, throat and head would feel like strep for 2 days after. Or that my ribs would ache like I had been tossed around in the back of a truck. And none of those body parts were where the surgery was, so what exactly did you do with me while I was asleep ? I finally asked my Mom 2 days later and she admitted what she believed happened. I said " Why didn't they tell me ?" Her reply: " Oh they never do.."   ????

Anyhow, they take me up to the room and I am happily sucking on ice chips and in pain, so they start giving me Norco, which is a pretty powerful pain medicine, every 4 hours. It is now 11 PM on Monday night. The day from Hades nearly over and Mom is still hanging on. She decides to not go home after all and stays in the lounging chair in my room. She is a total trooper in every sense of the word.  Apparently, I was in an out of sleep all night and kept checking on my Mom being there. I guess the inner child needed the comfort of her Mom....all night long.  I should say that I had the best nurse ever. Juan - you made my stay so much better by your cheerful attitude and care. And you were easy on the eyes too...

There is talk that I could possibly be going home in the morning and I am dying to go home. I couldn't sleep at the hospital. But there are milestones to be achieved first. And a visit from the resident doctors to remove the packing that was placed in the wound.  And in that moment, I had finally reached the pinnacle of the highest level of pain I have thus far experienced in my entire life. I hope I never, ever experience that again. Just WOW!

I told the doctors that I didn't want any further packing and was more than willing to take care of the wound properly at home. I guess they believed me because when the nursed checked the update, the discharge papers were already in the system. That was at 12:00 noon. We ended up staying at the hospital til 7 PM that night before we were able to go home. I was praying that Mom would have a safe, peaceful drive home and I would be able to deal with whatever it felt like. I honestly think I felt 50 different bumps, potholes etc. over the 7 miles to our place. It was a long ride.

We made it home in one piece. It had been 36 hours that Mom was awake, and would be another 7 before her body would allow her to sleep. Me on the other hand, I got home, hit the couch and slept 3 hours solidly.

Mom said I moaned a lot in pain, but the comfort of being home allowed me to relax. God had promised me he would get me through this, and every step of the way he did. 

His promises are sure.